Honoring the Promise of Playtime

It can be too easy sometimes to tell your child that you’ll play with them later only to have later disappear into tomorrow. I think most parents have found themselves in this situation at one time or another. Of course there are those unique situations when your promise to play ends up being sidetracked by unavoidable happenings, but as rule I think honoring your commitment to play with your child needs to be a priority. I’m not saying this to scold anyone or to guilt you into taking time out for your kids. I’m saying this because I have found that playtime with my grandson has actually increased my productivity, as well as, strengthened our relationship.

I write at home and I run my Etsy shop from home. I know there are a multitude of parents out there who also work from home. Even if you’re a full time “stay at home parent” there are adult tasks that need to be accomplished throughout the day. This can become an issue when your children are looking to you for some serious entertainment and attention. The idea of staying at home to work so you can spend more time with the kids, still needs to be balanced with your work. I think the following scenario has played out in many homes. There you are trying to work but your child is constantly interrupting you because they want your attention. You tell them, “Not right now. I’m busy, we’ll play later” only to have them come back up to you 5 minutes later asking again. Soon you feel that you’re never going to get anything finished at this rate. You get frustrated and the child gets in trouble or pushed aside so you can make up time and get this done, leaving both of you feeling bad.

This is why playtime with your kids can be so very beneficial to you and to them. Before going to your work space next time, try this. Explain to your child that you need time to work. You may be surprised how well your child understands this. My grandson just turned 4 and he gets it. So, tell them. Then, tell them that when you are done working you will have play time together. Give them an idea of how long they will need to wait. A 4 year old may not understand, “We’ll play at four o’clock” but he will understand, “When the big hand is here and the little hand is here.” First step accomplished....make the promise and make it clear to the child

Next, give the child some options, “While I’m working you can do some coloring, or have some video/tv time, or play with your toys....” Get it? Give them some ideas of what they are allowed to do while you work. If it’s appropriate, give them a break time when the two of you will have lunch or a snack but make it clear that it will be a break, not play time.

Finally, and most importantly, when that playtime rolls around, STOP WORKING! Seriously, if you expect the child to honor your work time, then lead by example and honor playtime. Don’t give them the, “I’ll be done in just a few minutes” routine. Plan your time and manage it effectively so that you can keep your word. Then play. Don’t play while you check your email or your Twitter account. I mean seriously play with them. Give them an opportunity to select how they want to play, board games, tossing a ball, action figures, what have you. Enjoy your time with them so that they will come to trust and respect you. If you do this for them they will learn that they are just as important to you as your work, perhaps even more important. They will learn that they can trust you and that you’ll be there for them. They’ll learn that what is important to them is also important to you. When they see this they will in turn begin to respect your work time. They will understand that you really will be there when you say, so it’s ok for them to be on their own for a while.

There may be days when your energy levels are down and maybe you just don’t feel like actively playing. That doesn’t mean neglect the play time. You just need to redirect it and explain that you’re tired. With my AS it can be difficult to do some of the physical activities that my grandson would like to do but he gets that. When I’m having a “slow” day I’ll tell him and then I’ll suggest our play time be used doing gentle things like reading or coloring, crafting, or maybe a board game that he selects. I think the main point of all this, is that there’s really no good reason why you shouldn't take time out with your kids. Enjoy them and they’ll grow up loving and trusting you and knowing how to love and play with their own children someday.